Manuel Betancourt

Wolverine, or How Bad Films Make for Fun Reviews

May 3, 2009 · in Uncategorized

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Directed by: Gavin Hood
Written by: David Benioff & Skip Woods
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schrieber, Taylor Kitsch, Danny Huston, Lynn Collins,, Dominic Monaghan & Ryan Reynolds.
Instead of railing against the blasphemous filmmaking that is X-Men Origins: Wolverine (dialogue: horrible, that ‘Wolverine Pacific Northwest story’ could have been good had it not been delivered so plainly and played for a joke; plot: infuriating, was it going anywhere? were there any stakes involved? what the hell was the boxing scene about anyways?; editing: appalling, re-watch the Gambit-Wolverine fight scene and tell me it’s not one of the botchiest editing jobs ever in a big budget summer franchise film; directing: cliche here [walking into the sunset!], cliche there [they are animals, of course they’d run in the forest!], bad montage here [look! it’s all these wars in 15 mins!], and don’t even get me started on the CGI…) I figured I’d just throw some thoughts out there.
13 Random Thoughts I had while watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine:
– Hugh Jackman is a great actor. Given mediocre dialogue and thinly veiled metaphorisations all around, he grounds Wolverine/Logan in a place where you at least enjoy him on-screen. And yes, he’s shirtless and/or naked enough to give us some eye-candy while at it.
– Okay so Weapon XI was Deadpool, correct? That’s why it was Ryan Reynolds in his full-ab glory at the end right? So why is Scott Adkins billed as “Weapon XI”? Did something go over my head here?
– “OMG! That Nigerian building is where I spent most of my academic life in my undergrad years!”: Who knew that Buchannan Tower at UBC worked so well as a diamond dealing fortress?

– Helicopter scene: Puh-lease. And no I’m not just talking about Wolvie jumping off with the help of the explosion’s thrust onto the helicopter, but mostly about Agent Zero’s jump into the helicopter… Oh who am I kidding, the whole scene was preposterous EVEN for a comic book film.
– Why do Wolverine’s claws look like they’re Hasbro-made when he’s in the bathroom of that annoyingly nice elder couple? Also, why did they have to play that scene for comedy? That in it of itself seemed to be the biggest issue I had with the film, its tongue was so squarely placed in its cheek, I couldn’t really follow through Logan’s dramatic arc at all cause every time I did, one of the characters would spew out a useless ‘zinger’ that rang very hollow and it sucked me OUT of the film completely.
– Rule # 1 of good filmmaking: you DON’T need to show us everything. Was I the only one annoyed at the fact that Hood cut to this after Logan says that’s what he wants his dogtags to say?

– Did we really have to get rid of Dominic Monaghan so quickly? His short scenes at the circus/fair were one of the highlights of the film for me.
– Can we get Liev more work? Better work?… What’s that? He’s playing a cross-dresser in Ang Lee’s Taking Woodstock? Good!

– Uh, why is Emma Frost’s transformation akin to being bedazzled by diamonds?!
– “Am I seriously liking this LESS than X-Men: The Last Stand?” (But then, anything with Sir Ian McKellen makes me like a film more… though the Patrick Stewart was a welcome sight)
– Am I ever going to be able to take Ryan seriously as an “actor”? I’m thinking: No. I’m content with admiring his bulging biceps and his beautiful abs.

– THE END: Are they seriously doing the “walking into the sunset” thing?… And then again? And then again?!
– THE BONUS SCENE: Are you EFFING kidding me? That was it? He was “still walking”? WTF?
Verdict? C –